


Wherever I Go Next

by halstead2940



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:21:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28431579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halstead2940/pseuds/halstead2940
Summary: How did Patsy and Delia get from a  carousel to a safari so quickly?
Relationships: Delia Busby & Patsy Mount, Delia Busby/Patsy Mount
Comments: 16
Kudos: 43





	Wherever I Go Next

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline between Patsy's return and the postcard from Botswana left me with many questions. The Pupcake Discord group helped me find some answers.

WHEREVER I GO NEXT

Patsy stopped abruptly, her weary brain trying to comprehend the sight before her- a carousel in front of the entrance to Nonnatus House.The whirling lights had to be a mirage, a hallucination brought on by the lengthy journey from Hong Kong.Then a figure emerged from the crowd and walked towards her with a look of disbelief as if she, too, were seeing a mirage.Patsy tightened the grip on her suitcase, the weight of it a confirmation of reality, and gave a tired wave with her left hand.Snow was just beginning to fall, and the flakes slightly blurred her vision.The blue-clad figure coming ever closer was surely Delia, but her expression seemed to be changing from happily surprised to— angry?Instead ofbounding joyfully out of a phone box and into Patsy’s arms, Delia strode past her, grabbing her arm and forcing Patsy to move quickly around the smaller woman while noting the hurt and the questioning in her eyes. 

Apologetic Pats spoke first.“I got on the boat the day after his funeral.”

Delia wasn’t letting her off the hook quite so easily.“I didn’t know. I didn’t know you were coming back.”The soft Welsh lilt had an edge to it.

Assertive Pats looked her straight in the eye.“I did.I always did.And wherever I go next, you’re coming with me.”A tug on her coat was all the proof Delia needed, and without hesitating, she hurled her body into Patsy, kissing her fiercely, her left hand grasping the back of Patsy’s neck.

Emboldened Pats returned the kiss just as fiercely, her left arm encircling Delia, neither one caring whether they were seen or not.For in that moment there was no carousel, no wedding, no snow, no tunnel- only lips and arms and the rough fabric of coats until they broke apart and resumed the familiar role of “friends.”Asthey headed back towards the festivities, Delia grabbed the suitcase and filled her in on Barbara’s wedding.

The kiss had boosted Patsy’s adrenaline enough that she could handle the enthusiastic welcomes from all of the Nonnatus family, properly congratulate the bride and groom,and coo over the Turners’ new baby as they all crowded around her.Delia stood to the side, still not quite believing that her beloved had really returned. When Phyllis came to stand beside her, and whispered. “An early Christmas present for you, lass,”Delia was on the brink of tears. As she sensed Patsy starting to fade, she stepped in and urged everyone to let the weary traveler get some rest.

Quietly the two entered Nonnatus House.They passed slowly down the hallway, with Patsy turning her head side to side, the memories flooding back of happy times with those who had just greeted her, and those of friends who had moved on with their lives, like Jenny and Chummy.A glance at the telephone brought a whole new raft of memories of special patients like Penny Reed and Jeanette Su.People who had given her so much more than she had given them. Did she have any more to give, or had she given it all to her dying father?

“Do you want some tea - or some wedding cake?Sr Monica Joan surely hasn’t eaten all of it yet.”

“I just want a hot bath, a warm bed, my favorite pajamas and you.” 

“I will run a bath for you, the sheets are clean, and I am all yours, but you might not have those pajamas on for long,” Delia smirked.

Delia’s bed was still narrow and slightly uncomfortable, but a significant improvement over the shipboard accommodations because this bed came with a soft, vanilla-scented brunette who immediately started to unbutton that unnecessary pajama top.

“Oh,Deels, can we just hold each other for tonight?I’m too exhausted for anything else.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” Delia gave Patsy a tender kiss and nuzzled up as close as possible.Whatever disappointment she felt was more than offset by the sheer gratitude of having her love back with her at last.

The next morning Delia woke and dressed quietly, leaving Patsy sound asleep.At breakfast she told the others that Patsy had fallen asleep during the tale of a particular idiot on her ward and Delia hadn’t had the heart to wake her.“I know I’m tired of Male Surgical, but I didn’t realize it was so boring for everyone else. All the more reason I need to pass the midwifery exams.”

Phyllis spoke up. “With Barbara gone, I’m sure we can find a suitable new arrangement. We can talk about it tonight, lass, when Patsy has had some time to recover from her journey.”

Everyone nodded in agreement, the last bits of toast were eaten and the nurses bundled up for a long day of patient care.

Patsy awoke by mid-morning, and after some tea and toast, she sought out Sister Julienne.

“It is lovely to be back here at Nonnatus and see everyone, but I’m not ready to come to work, even if you do have a position available, which you might not.My father’s estate is more complicated than I realized, and while I was able to do quite a bit in Hong Kong, I do need to meet with his solicitors here.Is there any way I can stay here until things are settled, even if I’m not working?”

“Of course, my dear.You have been in our prayers daily, and we are delighted that you have returned.”

“Thank you, Sister.”Patsy’s gratitude was sincere enough that it hid the twinge of guilt she felt for the decision she would soon be making.

Patsy was out all day, arriving back at Nonnatus shortly before tea. Phyllis and Delia were carrying their belongings back and forth, and Delia greeted her with a huge grin.“Phyllis has decided she would prefer a single, and Sr Julienne agreed. Val and Trixie seem very happy together, so you’re stuck with me.”Delia dropped her load of books on the bed and pushed Patsy up against the wall, her hands sliding up to cover her new roommate’s breasts.“I want to make you _very_ happy.”Patsy took Delia’s hands in her own and pulled them down to her side. “We’ll have more privacy, Deels, but we still have to be careful.”The words came out more brusquely than she had intended, and Delia couldn’t quite hide her look of frustration.

At tea the nurses made a few attempts to draw Patsy out about her time in Hong Kong, but her answers were brief and she changed the subject as deftly as possible.Later, as she and Delia lay in bed, the brunette stroked her cheek and gave her a tender kiss.“I’m sorry if we made you uncomfortable, cariad.I know you don’t like to talk about personal things, but I’m always here to listen and love you.” An uneasy silence was the only response. She propped up on one elbow and the blue of her eyes took on a steely tint. “It was hard for me, too.I’m sure Phyllis knows, because she loaned me a book of Spanish love poems the day you left, and I sawthe pity in her eyes when the mail would come and there was no word from you.”Her voice grew more agitated.“ I want to be there for you! I want us to face everything together.I couldn’t help you when you were halfway around the world, but you’re here now, and I feel like you’re shutting me out.What happened to the Pats who kissed me in the tunnel last night?

Patsy groaned and chewed her lower lip.“Deels, when are your next days off?”

“ I have this Friday and Saturday off.Why?”

“ I want to go where it can be just the two of us.We have a lot to talk about.My father has a house in Chelsea- I haven’t been there in years but I know there is a housekeeper who has been maintaining it.Can we wait and continue this conversation then?”

Delia could not hide the look of concern on her face but with a sigh of resignation she nestled into the crook of Patsy’s arm. “We can say I’ll study better without as many distractions.Phyllis won’t buy that for a second, but she’ll understand.”

Patsy spent the following days handling estate business, returning to the convent for tea and avoiding any talk of her future plans, to the puzzlement of the other nurses. She prompted them to fill her in on the memorable births she had missed, with updates on favorite patients, and enjoyed hearing tales of Val’s various relatives, who all seem to have been in scrapes at one time or another.

Friday arrived at last and they each packed a small bag for their weekend in Chelsea.“Don’t forget your textbooks, Deels.” 

“Am I going to have time to open them? I had other things in mind.”Her mischievous grin turned tentative. She held out a hand and stroked the taller woman’s arm. “Are we okay, Pats?You’ve been holding back and now I’m starting to worry.”

Patsy gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “We’re fine.I just want us to be alone for a while.”

“I’m the same.”

“Hey,” Patsy retorted with a laugh, “that’s my line!”With the mood considerably lightened, the two made their way through the snowy streets to the Mount property in Chelsea. Neither spoke much, as one was hiding her trepidation and the other her curiosity. Delia was eager to see Patsy’s family home and possibly learn more of her past. Her most preciouschildhood memories were contained in a battered shoebox, but what of her teenage years?Would there be any souvenirs from boarding school or visits with her father? And what of her father- would there be any mementoes ofhis successes, any clues to his true nature, any hint of the father who had not been a father?

“Mrs. Catterall has kept everything in good condition, and I’ve been coming by the past few days, trying to make it feel like home, even though I never spent much time here,”Patsy said as she unlocked the door.

Delia gaped at the luxurious surroundings. She was so accustomed to Nurse Patsy Mount of Poplar that she rarely thought of Patience Mount, daughter of a wealthy shipbroker, now an heiress, who floated confidently from room to room turning on lights while Delia stood still, afraid to touch anything. 

“I’ll make us some tea and you can look around.”

Her eyes took in the immaculate furnishings, which exuded taste and wealth.No wonder Patsy had thought the jug in their flat so ghastly- and would certainly appear shabby atop the polished Sheraton sideboard. Everything was very English, with no hint of Asia or any other part of the world, despite his global connections. Nothing that felt like a home.Thefamily portraits that adorned other homes were replaced by landscapes of the Cornish coast and oil paintings of sailing ships.

“Where’s your room?”

“I don’t really have one. I slept in the one on the left, but Iwas never here long enough for it to feel like home, so I never kept anything personal. It wasn’t really my room, just another guest room.Once I moved into the nurses’ home and he spent most of his time in Hong Kong, he let his business associates stay here.I never understood why he didn’t just sell it.”

“Well, I am glad he didn’t, because now we can be here. Nobody watching.Nobody but us. We haven’t had this much privacy since everyone was in Africa, and even then there were too many nuns around.”

She brushed her hands up Patsy’s arms,stroking her shoulders and neck, pulling her close, kissed her and whispered, “Can we send them back to the Hope Clinic?Or better yet, get our own flat again?”She added ruefully, “ I promise not to borrow your bike.”

Patsy’s arms dropped from Delia’s hips.She took a step back and grasped Delia’s hands.“That’s what we need to talk about.But first, some tea!”She bustled about the kitchen, setting out cups and opening a packet of biscuits.“Mrs . Catterall bought us enough food so we don’t have to go out in the snow, and she wrote out what she calls very easy recipes, although she doesn’t know how limited my cooking skills are.I wish I had had time for somelessons.”

“We’ll manage.We always do- in the end.”

As the tea and biscuits were consumed they chatted about the upcoming midwifery exam,Trixie’s new beau, navigating bicycles in the snow- anything but what was uppermost in their minds.Eventually Patsy gathered up the plates and cups and began washing up.The kitchen was soon spotless but she continued wiping every surface in the room.

Delia gently took the flannel from her hand.“You clean when you’re upset and can’t talk about things, so what is it, Pats? Is it me- is it us? You let me hold you in bed but that’s as far as we go.Have we been apart too long?”

“No, that’s not it at all.I just don’t want to distract you too much from your revision.”

“Forget the bloody revision.If I haven’t learned it by now I’ll be too frustrated to learn it by next week.I need you more than I need study time.”With that she drew the taller woman into a fiery kiss, leaving no doubt as to where her studies would be concentrated as Patsywillingly became her study partner.

Their kisses grew longer and more passionate until Delia pulled back long enough to catch her breath.“Should we pick a bedroom or just use this table that you have so thoughtfully cleaned for us?

“Might as well treat ourselves to a double bed while we have the chance.”Patsy led the way to her old bedroom.Despite now being the sole owner of the house, she couldn’t bring herself to use what had been her father’s room.

As Patsy slipped out of her trousers she paused a moment, willing herself to make the most of this moment and block out the possible consequences of her looming announcement. Delia undressed without hesitation and held her arms out eagerly.For the first time in all their years together, they could be assured of complete privacy, with no fear of interruption, and as much time as they wanted to explore each other’s bodies, to give themselves fully and unreservedly to each other. Patsy was soon as intoxicated as her more adventurous partner, until their lovemaking left the two exhausted and sated.

“Cariad, we really need our own flat again.We moved out of Nonnatus once, we can again.”

Patsy sat up and wrapped herself in a ball.“ I don’t want to stay at Nonnatus either.”

“Good!We can start looking for a new place as soon asI take the exams.”Delia started dressing.“Poplar is starting to change- we might find a nicer flat this time.Even if it doesn’t come with it’s own jug.”She started listing all the ways the new flat could be an improvement, her chirpy voice filling the air.

Patsy dressed in silence, reluctant to stop her girlfriend’s high-spirited musings.

Finally Delia noticed her reticence. “Come on, Pats.You don’t need to let me do all the decorating.What do you want in it?” 

Patsy took her hand and led her into the drawing room and sat her on the sofa.“What I want is not in Poplar.”She twisted her hands nervously as Delia waited patiently for her to continue.

“I thought I was prepared to see my father.After all, I‘m a nurse and I’ve seen this condition before, though not often.And since we were never very close, I could treat him as I would any other patient.That’s what I told myself.So that when he died, he would just be another patient that we lost-yes, it is sad but we go on.All the way there that was the picture in my mind. But then I saw him. I sat with him, saw the sadness in his eyes, eyes so like my sister’s.His nurse told me how anxious he had been for me to come home.” A flash of resentment - “Home!He never made it feel like home.”The bitter tone remained but was tinged now with regret. “We were never going to get those lost years back. What’s done is done.Talking about Mother and Grace was too painful, so for the first few weeks we mostly sat in silence.I kept wondering why he had asked for me,why I had rushed to him- why I had to leave you- just to sit there doing nothing. Finally I began reading to him.I found a copy of“Out of Africa” ( I was surprised that he had anything by a female author!) and he began to improve, or at least stabilize- his energy was better, he was in less pain.Turns out he had been to Africa on safari four times and those trips were the happiest times he had had after the war.”She stood up, saying she had something in her case.

Delia rose to her feet and looked around again at the elegant furnishings.Nothing spoke of Africa or of any passion or interest. The decor was meant to impress business associates, not provide a home or solace.

Patsy placed a small bundle of photographs in her hand.“My father did not like to kill the animals - so he had at least one good point. He preferred to do his shooting with a camera, not a gun, as he had seen too much senseless death in the war. His companionswere completely opposite, though, and enjoyed bringing home trophy skins or heads.That old-boys-together feeling was enough to outweigh any revulsion he had about hunting, but to offset the killing, he gave a sizable donation each time to animal preservation.That’s the only way he knew how to show he cared about anything.With his checkbook.And now that I look back, I can remember times when my allowance checks were bigger than usual- after every safari.Should I feel flattered that he cared about his daughter as much as his rhinoceroses?”

Delia flung her arms around the disconsolate redhead.Patsy was too stubborn to give in to tears, but her resentment was palpable.

“Oh, cariad, I am so sorry you couldn’t mend things with your father.”She cupped Patsy’s face lovingly in her hands and cooed with a twinkle in her eye, “You are worth more than all the rhinoceroses in Africa!”A peck on the lips and a brush of the shoulders affirmed her support.“And you are much better looking!”Her banter had the desired effect as she felt Patsy begin to relax.They looked at the pictures together, enjoying the giraffes feeding on acacia leaves and the elephant lumbering through the brush.

“Westarted becoming closer, but it was much too late, right at the very end. On his last day I was able to hold his hand and look at him with a sense of peace.His eyes were closed and he didn’t speak, but I felt the peace in him, too.We were finally forgiving each other, getting to know each other.And now he’s gone and there is so much I will never get to know.”

She sat on the sofa, closed her eyes and took several deep breaths.Delia sat down next to her and tenderly took Patsy’s hands in her own.She was trained to give aid and comfort to hospital patients and their families, but felt sadly inadequate facing the depth of her lover’s grief.

“Deels, I need to know my father.I thought he couldn’t love at all, because he didn’t love me, or rather he didn’t show it.But he loved Africa and the safaris and the animals.I want to go there and see what he saw, finally share something with him, in a way that we never did when he was alive.And I want to go now, before I settle back down in Poplar.If I start working again and we get a flat, I’ll never go.”

Delia gazed at her with a growing sense of dread.For months she had waited for Patsy to come back, for them to be together again, and yes, their lovemaking had erased most of the pain of their long separation, but now she could see that a part of her lover was still missing, still adrift somewhere thousands of miles away.And with a sinking heart, she knew she could not keep her here, any more than she could have kept her on Male Surgical or at Nonnatus.The thread that bound them together had frayed each time but not broken.Would the thread hold again, or would Patsy weave a new life on the African plains?

Patsytook another deep breath and gripped Delia’s hands. “I meant what I said in the tunnel.Wherever I go next, you’re coming with me.It’s a lot to ask, and not really fair on you, so if you say no, I won’t go.I’ll stay here in Poplar with you.”

“What are you saying, Pats?”

“I want you to go to Africa with me.Now- or as soon as possible.After your exams, of course.You’ve studied way too hard to give them up now.But I can’t promise when we would be back. I can’t promise anything except that we will be together.”

The Welshwoman was gobsmacked.In all the months apart, various scenarios had played in her head, the darkest ones being that Patsy never returned.But even in her wildest daydreams, with the two of them being legally married and accepted openly in society, she had never contemplated an African safari.

“Are you planning to stay there?Do you want to work at Hope Clinic?”

“No, but I do think we could visit.Wouldn’t you like to?”

“Very much so.It would be a terrible shame to travel all that way and not see it.”

Patsy grinned and wrapped her arm around the brunette as they snuggled comfortably together on the sofa. “And it would be a terrible shame to travel all that way and not see Paris on the way back.” 

Delia squealed and gave her a big kiss.“I finally get to use my passport!”

“I promised you Paris and you will get it, although a year later than planned.”She began to sing softly, “April in Paris, chestnuts in bloom, Holiday tables under the trees. April in Paris, this a feeling no one can ever reprise.”

They talked of other places they might visit- the Taj Mahal.Australia. Niagara Falls. With Patsy’s money and Delia’s extensive reading, the itinerary grew longer and longer.Everything and everywhere seemed possible, especially since they would be together.They could conquer the world!

Laughing and jostling each other they headed for the kitchen, ready to conquer Mrs. Catterall’s recipes.It was quite the learning experience-Patsy learned how to swear in Welsh and Delia learned the equivalents in French.Once the undercooked chicken and the overcooked vegetables were disposed of, they learned that tea and biscuits made a perfectly acceptable meal, thank you very much.

“Really, Deels, I have an excuse. Between boarding school and my father’s servants, I never had to cook.Didn’t your mother teach you anything?”

A horrible thought struck the younger woman.“Mam!”She gasped again, “What am I going to tell Mam?Oh, Pats, will we have time to go to Wales before we leave? Mam is not going to be happy at all, but if I leave without seeing her, she will be so hurt.She can barely handle my being in London, and of course Paris is a raging den of iniquity. How do I ever tell her about Africa?She will have me eaten by a lion the first day!”

Patsy had not given a single thought to the formidable Mrs. Busby. Her heart sank at the prospect of what was bound to be a contentious visit, whether it be in Wales or in London, with Delia’s mother undoubtedly haranguing her only child. Their best hope was that Mr. Busby could somehow placate his wife, at least enough not to spoil their departure.If Delia couldn’t stand up to her mother, Patsy would, just as she had over the passport. 

The rest of their stay in Chelsea was spent in easy companionship and unhurried lovemaking.Patsy even managed to prepare an edible casserole as Delia worked on her revisions.Facing Phyllis without blushing was going to be a lot easier now that she could truthfully say she had studied.

The next two weeks were a blur of study, planning, meetings with attorneys and travel agents, shopping, and finally the midwifery exams.By a stroke of luck ( and possibly some well-placed financial incentives) they were able to book a safari that departed from Southampton just two days after the exams.Botswana was not their original destination, but leaving so quickly meant that they were able to avoid a long painful goodbye in Wales, although they did have to endure several long painful phone calls since the Busbys were finally on the line.Each time they huddled in the phone box on Whittle Street they hoped that someone would bang on the door impatiently and and cut the call short.

In the evenings they huddled around the dinner table or in front of the television, relishing the last few days with their friends.Their return to Nonnatus and the subsequent announcement of their travel plans had been met with as much surprise as Patsy’s return from Hong Kong, and much initial resistance. But as the departure grew nearer their enthusiasm was infectious, and soon everyone was joining in, rhapsodizing about the wild animals, sharing favorite memories of their own adventure, and wishing for some of that hot African sun to melt the snow currently piling up in Poplar.They left with hugs all around and promises to send postcards from every stop.

_We cannot stand still, because the world keeps turning.There’s always change everywhere, new faces, new tears to shed, new joys to invest in.Yet the circle of love is not broken; it expands._

**EPILOGUE**

****

Patsy sat at a table outside their tent, enjoying a breakfast of coffee, grapefruit, eggs and toast.Each day brought a greater appreciation for the wonders of the African continent - the landscape, the culture, and of course,the majestic animals.And each day brought Patsy a little closer to her father.Somewhat ruefully she had to admit that sometimes love _can_ be expressed through a checkbook, as part of her inheritance was now pledged to the Society for the Preservation of Wild Fauna of the Empire.Who knew she would come to love rhinoceroses!

The real love of her life came up behind her and kissed her softly on the neck. “What are you planning, cariad?”

Patsy stood up, took Delia in her arms, twirled a lock of brunette hair, and said, “I don’t know yet, but wherever I go next, you’re coming with me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone on Discord who encouraged me and spent time with me in the focus room. And to Mystwords, my valuable beta.


End file.
